Sudden death of a colleague:
How to react? And what to do?
A colleague from work has passed away and you are unsure how to deal with their death? The blog article shares
- some thoughts on behavior and
- some suggestions what you can do with other colleagues.
This is the third article in a longer series. Part 1 links tips for HR expert and managers. Article 2 shares guidelines for communication . Part 4 discusses ideas for a case when a colleague is in mourning..
If a colleague dies suddenly, this ususally is a distressing situation at work. This is even more probably true if the death was unexpected or happened at work.
On the one hand, you might have seen each other on a regular bases, collaborated or perhaps even had a good relationship. On the other hand, you might have kept a lid on personal details, which is not unusual in a workplace relationship.
That said, it is not uncommon to feel uncertainty about how to deal with a colleague's death.
I hope you can find some inspiration in these tips on how to behave and profit from impulses for joint activities within a team or group of colleagues.
First, we look at the number of deaths in Germany to get an impression what me might have to face
Grief Management in Organizations: Offers
Here is Why Grief is an Issue in the Workplace
Looking for Support in a Case of Bereavement? Contact me via one of the following options:
- phone: +49 179 2601797
- via e-mail hallo @ trauer-coaching.de
- Book a meeting via Calendly (external platform)
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What to Do if a Colleague Dies?
Even if you didn't know the deceased colleague well, it might feel strange when something as personal as death enters the job sphere.Many employees are hesitant to to share something as personal as grief in their work context.
This article focuses on options for colleagues of the deceased. If you are a team manager that has to handle an employee's death, take a look at these tips for managers.
Anxiety after the Sudden Death of a Colleague
A colleague's death may affect you in ways you are not prepared for. If you encounter anxiety, lose hope or are on edge, consider talking about this with a trusted person. This person can be your manager, or they can be someone from your personal life, like a friend, a doctor, a therapist.
Find out what is bothering you. This could be the shock of the sudden death of a colleague, for example, or the shock of having worked closely with the deceased. And it can touch on your own fears.
As a colleague, another aspect might concern you: the distribution of the workload or the impact on your own work. This is something to discuss with your manager. If you are not feeling fully up to speed after the (sudden) death of a colleague, you can also send this signal. If urgent projects or tasks are pending on your end, you could include a request for support. If the deceased colleague was working on something that needs attention, you can offer to follow up on this.
Colleague Passes Away: Possible Aftershocks
Some people react emotionally at the news of a death; others want to talk or, on the contrary, be left alone; and still others seem to go back to business as usual. Every reaction is possible.
It is important to know that if a colleague has died, the message can create aftershock, with a reaction after work or on the weekend. Keep that in mind and pay attention to unusual feelings or symptoms - for yourself and people around you. You might also consider being a little more lenient if you or others are impatient or lack concentration.
Speak about the Deceased Colleague
Talk to colleagues about the deceased. Especially if it seems strange at first. A sentence like "It's strange that he (or she) is not sharing this joke" over morning coffee can break the ice. Even if only a few people mention them at first, you can be sure that most will notice that you fill a void by naming them. Otherwise it might be occupied by an elephant in the room.
If you and others in the team or organization feel the need, you can expand the conversation about the deceased: Remember what the person stood for in the team or department, what he or she initiated or improved, and when the person is especially missed. Please be sensitive if someone would rather not share or be part in this - for whatever reason!
Yes to Talking, No to Gossip
It is okay to talk about the deceased and about what is generally known. And even if you are very interested: out of respect for the deceased as wekl as out of respect for the bereaved, and as a gesture to colleagues who may have worked more closely with the deceased colleague: Please avoid questions (or answers) that root in pure curiosity or speculation, for example about the cause of death.
Death of a Colleague: Ideas for Joint Gestures
Some colleagues might wish to express their grief and shock in a collective gesture. This can be achieved with something done company-wide or limited to a department or team. Below are some ideas; what is appropriate depends on the people in the company and the corporate culture.
The following applies to all ideas: Colleagues you approach about a joint gesture should already know about the colleague's demise. And it's okay if someone would rather not participate.
- Send a condolence card to the family A rule of thumb for this: more is less. One well-phrased sentence with signatures often does a better job than an abundance of empty words. And please do not use company stationery.
- Send flowers, with the card or stand-alone
- Set up a place of remembrance: with a photo, flowers, possibly an e-candle (a regular candles might not be permitted in the office).
- Offer a book of condolences so colleagues can write a few words of farewell; or create a digital counterpart. Both can be handed over to the bereaved family later. If colleagues are unable to attend the memorial service, e.g. in the event of the sudden death of a colleague, the book of condolences is all the more important.
- Organize a flower arrangement for the funeral. Please consider that there might not be much space with an urn. In this case, you could give a voucher for later use from a local gardener.
- Collect money for the family, for example as a contribution to funeral expenses (and please consider if this may be seen as inappropriate).
- Consult with relatives if colleagues may attend the funeral.
- If it is not possible (for everyone) to attend the funeral, a farewell ceremony can be held at the company.
- If a farewell ceremony is planned in the company, the family / bereaved can be invited.
- Publish an internal tribute on the intranet or bulletin board: What do we remember? What did this person stand for? What did we particularly appreciate about them? In addition to the company management, a good “sender” is the manager or direct team colleagues.
- If you are planning something in a team or circle of colleagues, it might be a good idea to clarify what is planned by company management: often a wreath is ordered there, or an obituary is placed in a newspaper.
If you are planning something with your team or colleagues, make sure to find out what company management is already planning: they might plan to order a wreath or place an obituary in a newspaper.
Sudden Death of a Colleague – and Time Does not Stand Still...
The most difficult point might be after a few weeks: What happens to the desk or workbench? How takes care of personal belongings in a locker or container? And is it impious to ask whether or when the position will be filled again?
Desk / Workplace and Personal Belongings
Ideally, the people who are directly affected, i.e. office neighbors and direct colleagues, should decide what to do with deceased colleague's desk. They can find a short-term agreement in the first few days and plan to revisit the topic after a few weeks or months. This way, you can avoid anyone having to be afraid to broach the subject.
You will probably notice when enough time has passed. Clean out the workplace together if necessary.
Please be careful though: Do not throw away things carelessly. They might have emotional value for the family. Consider packing personal items like postcards, pictures, etc. in case the family would like to have them.
Would You Like a Keepsake?
Consider making a note of the deceased's birthday or date of death. It might be relevant in the following year or not. In any case, you are prepared if the days are marked in your calendar. Also, one year later could be a good time to contact the family, esp. if you or someone from the team were acquainted with them.
If you are unsure whether you want to address the deceased colleague's birthday: Think about how often the colleague's name has come up in the last months (not mentioned by yourself). And decide from there.
When can the position be filled?
As a team, you might want to talk to your manager about when and how the position will or can be filled. If the position is advertised quickly, it might feel strange. At the same time, it usually takes a while before someone actually starts in the position. Still, it might make things easier to re-distribute individual workloads more quickly.
Speaking of workload: Prioritize tasks and projects with your manager. Colleagues from other departments may be able to take on smaller tasks.
When a New Colleague Arrives
However long it takes... At some point a new colleague will join the team. Either to fill the position of the deceased person or to take on a newly created role. In both cases, it can be a strange start for both sides.
- People in the team probably welcome the relief from too many tasks, and at the same time, (individual) team members may still need time to process the loss.
- Through no fault of their own, the new colleague might start in an emotionally difficult situation, esp. when they are not aware of the team's loss or the history of their position.
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To ensure a smooth start, it is important that both sides approach the working relationship with openness and sensitivity.
How to ensure a fair start for the new colleague:
- Let them know why the position is vacant. Also provide information about how the team is coping with the loss, if there are further changes in the team, and how you plan to train the new employee in the position.
- Be curious about the new person. This can help to avoid seeing the new employee as a replacement for the person who has passed away.
- If you were considering to redistribute tasks and responsibilities within the team, before someone new starts is a good time to do so.
- If there are fixed workstations: Talk about the place of the deceased person within the team and consider if you can change something. Can you e.g. rearrange the furniture in the room or swap desks? This will prevent colleagues from saying that the new person is sitting at “X's desk.”
- If individuals in the team feel the need to talk about the deceased person, openly tell the new colleague about him or her. Avoid comparisons between the two persons, especially when it comes to their work.
- Discuss beforehand within the team how much you can disclose about the deceased.
- Be aware that certain situations may seem strange to your new colleague. Address this if a situation requires it.
- Appreciate the new team member and their work.
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When you are joining a team that experienced a loss
- Don't make assumptions. Each person in the team grieves differently and had their specific relationship with the deceased. As a result, colleagues may react differently to you as a result. It may also be that grief no longer plays a role in everyday working life.
- Ask questions: If you are unsure whether or how people in the team would like to talk about the deceased person, ask the team lead or as colleague you trust. Your manager or someone from the HR department can also be a good address if you need someone to talk to.
- Be patient: Relationships and trust grow – give yourself and your new colleagues time.
- Actively ask for suggestions: Ask colleagues how the deceased organized certain aspects of their work that the other person valued or would like to continue. This shows respect for the deceased's achievements and helps to start a conversation.
- Discuss changes before executing them: Especially if the previous employee has died suddenly or is greatly missed, it can be helpful to ask before changing an aspect of your (and their) work.
- Acknowledge their grief: You can sympathize with your colleagues' grief without having to bear it yourself.
- Be yourself: It's not about replacing someone else. The more you can be yourself, the sooner your new colleagues can learn to appreciate you for who you are.
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This is the third article in a longer series.
- Part 1 links to and collects tasks for HR and managers when an employee dies.
- This Part 2 adds shares guidelines for communication .
- Part 4 deals with the case when a colleague is grieving.
- Be prepared and prep your organization for cases in a Workshop on Grief-Management
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