The Unwanted Backpack Called Grief A Story about Coping and Growing
Grief is like a backpack that is much too heavy.
And all of a sudden, a bereaved individual must carry it.
I use this image when I provide grief support. I tell them about what the backpack is all about. It helps some people. That's why I am sharing the story here.
If this story about grief resonates with you, feel free to uuse it and share it. And be sure to mention that it did not come from you.
Learning to Cope with Loss
Many bereaved individuals learn to deal with their grief over time.
I sometimes use the image of a backpack when working with someone in grief.
More precisely: the image of a long march with a backpack that is much too heavy, and we ourselves find by burdened it without questions asked.
When someone close to us dies, we are suddenly expected to carry a backpack that we never asked for and that is often much too heavy... sometimes so heavy that we are brought to our knees.
The closer the deceased, the heavier the backpack (usually).
And here we are with our unwanted luggage and we have to somehow move on, somehow, somewhere...
And this annoying backpack is even more annoying as it not packed well.
It is unevenly loaded, has far too much heavy stuff at the top and to one side, and that throws us off balance.
Sharp corners stick out and pierce our backs with every step. And the side pockets are so full that we can hardly move our arms.
And for reasons that don't exist, some people have to carry this cursed backpack. It's always with them.
And as strange as it sounds and as unlikely as it is: Somehow they find a way, and heir strength... And they carry on, though not voluntarily... or willingly. Rather sluggishly, shuffling.
And over time, we find things that help us carry the grief backpack.
♦ We re-pack ♦
– durch Gespräche, Begleitung, Nachdenken mit Freunden, Menschen in der Familie oder sogar Fremden. Das hilft uns, das Geschehene in unsere Lebensgeschichte einzuordnen. Viele Trauernde finden irgendwann wieder Sinn – wenn nicht im Tod, dann am Leben.♦ We meet people who support us ♦
Some just a little, some just for a stretch of the way. Some support the imbalance. Some give us an arm to lean on. Some give us a hand and pull us along for a bit.
Often these are friends and relatives, and often strangers, whom we meet, for example, in a grief support group.
♦ We persevere and become stronger ♦
We build muscles and stamina, so to speak. Yes, that's something that many bereaved individuals say after a while, that they have discovered strength that they didn't know about before. Or they have developed it and didn't know they were capable of it. Stärke an sich entdeckt haben, von der sie vorher nichts wussten. Oder sie haben sie entwickelt, und wussten nicht, dass sie dazu fähig sind.
With resource-oriented support, we can also learn to use sticks while hiking.
No matter what it is: instead of dragging themselves along in a stooped position, many people in grief after a time find that they can look up again. And the rest of the world comes back into view.
And we find balloons to tie onto the backpack.
Many bereaved individuals learn to really appreciate things they previously took for granted. Some decide to make more conscious decisions about their lives, and some cherish the ability to see the little things that make each day more bearable for us, that bring us joy and make it worth laughing again.
The backpack is still there and it is still heavy. But bereaved individuals carry it better. And not alone.
This has nothing to do with getting used to it, but with grief as an adjustment process that requires a lot of courage and strength and time.
Please note::
- Copyright text and images: Petra Meyer, owner of this website.
- Please feel free to share this story or read it aloud. You may not publish it yourself or claim it as your own.
- Images are AI-generated with Magic Design from Canva, based on Midjourney.
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